Dating single moms protecting children
Morghan: To them I’d say: Kids need to see how we recover from the blow of relationships ending. I tend to wonder if the people screaming the loudest about this aren’t shifting fire from their own overly bitter divorce that most like served to hurt their children more than some light dating ever could. And one day the kids and I were in Brooklyn for some family event, and Helena asks where we are, and I tell her, and she says, “Larry lives in Brooklyn! Morghan: To a certain extent, isn’t some of that party just for you? That was the extent of that particular relationship. Or the relationship I want with them – I don’t want that distance that having two separate lives creates. Morghan: Maybe that is why this experience of dating now is so much like middle school. Hopefully we’ll stay in touch, but let’s get real- that likely won’t happen, even though I’m very fond of her mom who is my friend.Me: We won’t throw stones at those miserable assholes. Morghan: Call me a romantic but I still believe in marriage and love. Morghan: I think it is hard to just set a marker for everyone because every relationship is different. Morghan: But I don’t think that means we should be hiding anything. And as a parent you have to address however your kid reacts – because that is your job as a parent to help them work through it, not avoid it. I said this earlier: I’d rather know that I taught them to face adversity than to just be in constant search for happiness. How you face the difficulties of life is a skill that is being ignored because it doesn’t make kids happy. Like we shouldn’t let our kids see us experience life. That is how middle schoolers react – “Oh, don’t let anyone know so and so is growing arm hair! That doesn’t mean we hang out with them any less, or discourage the girls’ closeness.
My single mom friend Morghan and I both had a bad reaction to a recent Huffington Post article discouraging single parents from rushing into introducing a potential mate to the kids.
“I think the hardest thing for me was finding a babysitter.
If I didn’t, I would have to stay home or take him with me everywhere,” Nydia explained.
Me: You tried to sabotage the relationship with your kids, but they just sweetened the deal. Lucas was tiny — not even 2 — and we were reading the Dinosaurs Divorce book and he pointed out that, “Mommy kisses Larry.” It wasn’t like we were making out in front of the kids! And even though he was 1, Lucas understood there was something different there.
Morghan: Right – so at what point are we to give them the tools to articulate dating?
Morghan: It bothered me that somehow mom isn’t allowed to have a sexual side because that might make her teenage kid uncomfortable. It shames the whole idea of a parent as a sexual, dating person.